Self-compassion is widely spoken about in the wellness industry. But what is the concept of self-compassion and why is it so integral to good mental health and wellbeing?
From being patient and understanding to showing your mind and body some love and gratitude, read on to find out more about the idea of self-compassion and discover how to practise it to enhance your mental health.
What is self-compassion?
Self-compassion is the concept of showing yourself kindness, understanding and love. You can practise self-compassion in all aspects of life, whatever your situation. However, it can prove more difficult when we are struggling, feeling low or experiencing challenges. Practising self-compassion means actively choosing to express love, understanding and warmth to yourself in these times, as opposed to ignoring these feelings, expressing disappointment or self-criticism.
In its simplest form, self-compassion can be described as giving yourself a break. Imagine you are running late to a commitment, have made a mistake at work, or have had to pull out of a commitment with a friend. The natural response for most of us is to inwardly express negative thoughts, such as “I’m a bad friend” or “I can’t get anything right”. Ultimately, this can make us feel worse and lead to a downward spiral of negative thought patterns and in some cases, deeper feelings of unhappiness or depression.
Instead, the idea of self-compassion is to show yourself kindness during these times, and is a healthy habit to cultivate long-term. A helpful technique for expressing self-compassion is to think about what you would say to a friend who was in your position. It is unlikely you would resort to the same criticism that you give yourself, so use this perspective as a way to reframe your thinking into kind self-talk.
The three elements of self-compassion
Doctor, author and expert in self-compassion, Kristen Neff, identifies three main elements which can help us to better understand the concept.
1. Self-kindness vs. self-judgEment
Recognise that all human beings are imperfect, feel a sense of failing from time to time and experience difficulties as an inevitable part of life.
2. Common humanity vs. isolation
Understand that suffering and inadequacy are part of the shared human experience, and not something that happens to you alone.
3. Mindfulness vs. over-identification
Use Mindfulness to acquire a balanced view of our challenging emotions, so they are neither suppressed nor exaggerated.
5 self-compassion exercises to practise
1. Treat yourself as you would a friend
One of the simpler exercises to try is imagine you are speaking to a friend. How would you help them through a critical conversation? What language would you use to encourage them to be kinder to themselves? You can try this out either verbally or by writing down the dialogue from both points of view. You are likely to find it much easier to come up with supportive and kind words for your friend than you are for yourself.
2. Write a letter to yourself
Writing down thoughts and feelings has several benefits for our mental health and wellbeing. When it comes to self-compassion, especially if you are not used to practising it, it can really help to get a pen and paper and physically write out words of self-compassion to yourself - imagine you are a stepping into the wisest version of who you are, without judgement and with kindness to yourself. This will not only help you to ideate kind responses, it will also act as a prompt the next time you come to practise.
Practised regularly, these affirmations can become second nature, however to begin with, simply grab a piece of paper and write a letter for your future self to refer to.
3. Practise compassion for others
Showing compassion for others is another simple way to get used to practising self-compassion. To a certain extent, we need to be able to show compassion to everyone in order to be able to show compassion to ourselves. This can become difficult when we are faced with showing compassion for people who we find challenging, i.e. we blame for unfair behaviour, or we feel aren’t deserving. However, when you can show compassion for another individual, even in difficult situations, the self-practice can become easier over time.
4. Start a self-compassion journal
There are many benefits of writing to enhance your wellbeing, and journaling is a great way to continue this and develop a longer-term self-compassion practice. Consider starting a journal to help you process difficult thoughts and events and balance this by writing out kind and supportive responses, either each day or every other day.
5. Set personal boundaries
Consider nurturing self-compassion by setting small, personal boundaries to begin with. While it’s important to be able to practise compassion towards others, there needs to be a balance of how you’re spending your energy; being mindful of how much time is spent ensuring that other people in your life are taken care of, versus your own self-care. After all, when you take time for yourself and to practise self-compassion, you’re not only in a better position to be at your best for yourself, you’re also in a better position to be at your best for others around you - it creates a positive ripple effect.
So, when practising self-compassion, it’s important to set boundaries to ensure you find a balance of looking out for and giving compassion to others, as well as practising acts of self-kindness.
Starting your self-compassion journey
Practising self-compassion is a form of Mindfulness. It doesn’t matter whether you are well-experienced in various Mindfulness activities or are completely new to it – it can be daunting to start with.
Remember, practising self-compassion is a journey and even when you identify the need to be kinder to yourself, it is easier said than done. Wherever you are on your journey, consider these five exercises to provide some structure to your practice and take it a day at a time.