Did you know that we’re genetically wired to be kind?
Research led by world-renowned kindness scientist and best-selling author David Hamilton reveals that kindness changes the brain, impacts the heart and immune system, and may even be an antidote to depression. He also explores how kindness has evolved in us, and that its effects are felt daily throughout our nervous systems; when we're kind, our bodies are healthiest.
We’re delighted to share this guest blog from the team at a little dose of happy, who share why kindness can make you happier and how you can start cultivating kindness today.
It' starts with a choice
Do you sometimes feel like you're living in a cycle of negativity? Regular challenging news updates can play a big part in how we feel, whether it’s reports of an economic downturn, a tragedy or natural disaster, or an act of senseless violence; it can leave you feeling despaired.
It's easy to become wrapped up in all the negativity and stressors of life, and forget about the good things. However, there is something you can do to break this cycle; you can choose to focus on cultivating kindness. Sounds simple, yet it’s incredibly powerful.
When you make a conscious effort to be kind to others, it can help you see the world in a different, more positive light. Not only do you help improve the lives of those around you, you also boost your own happiness in the process.
The relationship between kindness and happiness
Have you ever noticed how good you feel after performing a random act of kindness? It's not just your imagination.
A 2018 systemic review and meta-analysis showed that performing acts of kindness boosts happiness and well-being. In their follow-up research, the authors found that not only does being kind make you happier, but the more acts of kindness you perform, the greater your levels of happiness will be. It doesn't matter who the recipient of the kindness is - family and friends, strangers, or yourself - the happiness benefits are the same.
What's more, there's a positive feedback loop associated with kindness. Participants in a study felt happier when they remembered buying something for someone else, than when they remembered buying something for themselves. And the happier they felt about their past generosity, the more likely they were to repeat it.
In other words; when you're kind, it boosts your happiness levels, and when you're happy, you're more likely to be kind.
What does it mean to cultivate kindness?
Cultivating kindness means making a conscious effort to be kind. It's about choosing to focus on the positive things in life, and taking actions that will boost happiness for yourself and others.
Cultivating kindness doesn't have to be a big, life-changing event. It can be something as simple as taking notice of the people and things in your life that make you smile, or being more patient with the people around you.
It's also important to remember that kindness is not the same as being nice. Nice people are polite and well-mannered, yet this doesn’t mean they necessarily go out of their way to help others. It’s a conscious choice to do this.
Kind people exhibit qualities such as self-compassion, and compassion and empathy for others. They want to make a difference in the world and they're willing to put in the effort to make that happen.
How does kindness lead to happiness?
So, how does cultivating kindness make us happier? It turns out that there are several mechanisms at play when we foster kindness.
When we perform acts of kindness, our brain releases feel-good hormones like dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin. These neurotransmitters help to improve our mood, promote calmness and boost feelings of wellness, and can also lead to reduced stress levels.
When we're kind to others, we're more likely to feel less anxious. We start to see the world in a more positive light and feel more connected to others, as well as our sense of self. Kindness can also help us to develop more positive relationships. When we're kind, people are more likely to respond positively to us, and are more likely to be kind to us in return.
So, cultivating kindness doesn't just make us feel good in the moment, it also has lasting benefits for our well-being.
7 ways to cultivate kindness
Here are some practical ways you can start cultivating kindness today.
1. Start With Self-Compassion
The first step to cultivating kindness is to be kind to yourself. This may seem counterintuitive but it's actually very important to practice self-kindness.
If you're not showing kindness to yourself, it's even more difficult to show kindness to others. Just as if you’re not feeling good in yourself, you may struggle to see the good in others.
So, start by practising more self-compassion. This means being aware of your own feelings and emotions and treating yourself with the same kindness, understanding, and compassion that you would show to a friend.
If you fall into old habits of unkind thoughts, try not to beat yourself up about it. Instead, choose to learn from the experience and move forward. Forgive yourself, just as you would forgive a friend.
It's also important to take care of yourself physically and mentally. Be sure to prioritise good quality sleep, as well as exercise, and eating healthy food. And if you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed, give yourself permission to take a bit of time out for yourself to relax and rejuvenate.
As the saying goes, "Put on your own oxygen mask first."
By taking care of yourself, you'll achieve greater personal happiness and be in a much better position to be kind to others.
2. Be Mindful
Mindfulness is about being present in the moment, without judgment and letting go of any distracting thoughts or worries about the past and future. When you're mindful, you're able to focus on what's happening around you and even notice important things that you would have otherwise missed. This can include the needs of others and opportunities to help them.
Practising mindfulness can also help you to cultivate more patience, tolerance, and understanding. When you're mindful, you're less likely to get caught up in your own head and react impatiently or angrily to someone. Instead, you're more likely to be able to see things from different perspectives and respond in a way that's considerate and helpful.
Mindfulness takes practice but it's well worth the effort. Once you get into the rhythm, you'll find a greater sense of ease with being kinder and more compassionate in everyday life.
If you need some help getting started, consider compassion meditation. This is a type of meditation where you focus on certain phrases or words that help to promote feelings of kindness and compassion towards others. This can be done by picturing someone you love and wishing them well, or picturing someone who's suffering and sending them healing thoughts. Even if you only have a few minutes to spare, compassion meditation can make a big difference in how you feel and how you treat others.
You can also try out Calmer’s Daily Mindfulness Ecourse, to learn a range of empowering, evidence-based self-care practices to nurture good mental health and improve your overall wellbeing.
3. Show Gratitude
One of the most effective ways to cultivate kindness is to show gratitude. This means being thankful for the good things in your life, no matter how big or small they may be.
It's easy to take the good things for granted, however when you pause to appreciate them, you can realise that your life is full of blessings. When you see all the good in your life, it serves as a positive reminder that there's also good in the world. This can help you to feel more optimistic and hopeful, which in turn can lead to more happiness.
One of the easiest ways to express gratitude is to say, "thank you." Those two little words can make all the difference to someone who doesn't hear them often. You can also show gratitude in other ways, such as giving compliments, doing favours, or just being there for someone who's been there for you.
By showing your gratitude, you let others know that what they do is appreciated and valued. As a result, they're more likely to want to be helpful, kind, and considerate.
When you're feeling grateful, you're also more likely to want to pay it forward and help make someone else's life better. Gratitude is a powerful force for good in the world, and it all starts with you.
So, take a moment to think about all the good things in your life and embrace gratitude for them. Notice the uplift in your emotions and feelings as you do so, and remember it just might make someone else's day brighter too.
4. Smile More
Smiling is one of the easiest ways to cultivate kindness. It's a universal sign of happiness, friendship, and goodwill.
When you smile, you immediately feel better and more positive. And when you smile at others, you can make them feel good too.
Smiling is contagious, so when you smile at someone, they're likely to smile back. This creates a positive feedback loop that can help to spread happiness and kindness.
So next time you're out and about, make an effort to smile at the people you see. You never know how much of a difference it could make in their day - and yours.
5. Practise Active Listening
If you want to help others, it's important to know how. What do they need? What are their struggles and challenges? What can you do to support them?
The best way to find out is to ask and then actively listen to their response. This means really paying attention to what the other person is saying and trying to understand their perspective, not just waiting for your turn to speak.
Listen to their words and pay attention to their body language and tone of voice. This will give you a better understanding of how they're feeling and what they might need.
When they've finished speaking, try to briefly summarise what they've said to show that you really understand, or ask clarifying questions if you want to understand more. This will enhance rapport, and make them feel heard and supported.
By actively listening, you can build stronger relationships by showing others that you care about them. In turn, this can lead to more happiness and satisfaction in your relationships.
6. Give Others The Benefit Of The Doubt
Sometimes people do things that bother us or that we don't understand. It's easy to get upset and jump to conclusions, however try your best to give them the benefit of the doubt instead. It takes strengths to do this, and is certainly a practice.
Perhaps they're having a bad day, there could be a wider context that’s contributing to their mood or behaviour. Or, they could be going through something difficult that you’re not aware of - it’s not always about what’s on the surface, it might not even be personal at all.
If you’re struggling to figure out what’s going on, if their behaviour isn’t too hurtful or intentionally malicious, consider that they have a good reason for their reaction. This does not mean that you have to condone their behaviour, however it can help to diffuse the situation and prevent you from getting even more upset.
When you give others the benefit of the doubt, you show that you're willing to see the best in people. This is an act of kindness that can help to give you peace of mind, and experience a better mood.
7. Perform Random Acts Of Kindness
Of course, a quintessential way to cultivate kindness is to perform random acts of kindness. It's a selfless act of giving back without expecting anything in return.
The best part is that it doesn't have to take much time or effort to do. It can be something as simple as holding the door open for someone, giving up your seat on the bus, or letting someone go ahead of you in line at the supermarket. It could also be something more elaborate, like volunteering at a homeless shelter, spending time visiting an elderly person in a nursing home, or raising money for charity. The possibilities are endless!
When you help others without any expectation of reciprocation, you show just how kindness can be its own reward.
Your kindness can lead both you and the recipient of your kindness to feel good. Your kind act may also inspire them to do something kind for someone else. Before you know it, your random act of kindness will have started a chain reaction of kindness that spreads throughout the community.
Complete a 10-day kindness challenge
We invite you to embark on a 10-day kindness challenge. Here's our suggestion:
For 10 days, commit to performing one act of kindness each day. It can be anything from bringing homemade treats to a neighbour or donating canned goods to a local food bank. It can also be kindness directed inward, such as taking some time for yourself to relax and recharge.
Keep track of your acts of kindness in a journal or on your mobile phone. Write about what you did, how it made you feel, and how it made the recipient feel. Attach a photo if you have one.
On the 11th day, take some time to reflect on your experience. What did you learn about yourself? How did your mood change? What type of impact did your acts of kindness have on others?
The goal is to spread as much happiness and kindness as possible, and to start making kindness and happiness a habit. The bonus is that by keeping track of what you did, you'll have a happy list to look back on whenever you need a pick-me-up!
Notice how you feel after completing this challenge - embrace that feeling and allow it to motivate you to carry out regular acts of self-kindness, and kindness to others.
Let this guidance inspire you
Cultivating kindness sheds light on the good in people, and can positively change the world around you. When you're kind, you boost your own happiness and open up the possibility for others to be kind in return.
Fortunately, cultivating kindness isn't difficult to do. In the simplest terms: be kind to yourself, be kind to those you know and love, and be kind to your local community.
By following this guidance, we hope you'll soon find yourself in a virtuous circle of kindness and happiness.
a little dose of happy (aldohappy, "all do happy") is a mission, mindset, and movement dedicated to spreading happiness throughout the world. It was created by two Seattle-based physicians who believe that happiness can be cultivated through little doses of happy and by actively doing happy. Their blog provides tips on how to infuse happiness into everyday life and their Do Happy app helps individuals stay accountable to their happiness goals. Visit their website and join them on their mission to make the world a happier, kinder place!